I haven’t posted in a long time. Honestly because I don’t think anyone’s really listening. But then I guess when I write it’s mostly for me anyway.
I spent a few days in Mexico with my family and got to experience that unconditional love again. But when I was leaving we had another episode with my mom. I haven’t spoken to her since then and I’ve just been trying to recover from it.
But today was a nice pause. I made dinner in my new apartment, watched a movie and sat down and had a beer to myself. I sat and appreciated the peace of it. And then I understood again that leaving was the best move I’ve ever made. Even if sometimes I feel guilty for it, those moments where I realize what the alternative could be reminds me not to give in to those feelings. Despite the bills and everyday stresses, I’m doing well.
Well, I’m not sure how this is going to go over tomorrow. I heard about what Restore the Fourth was planning late in the game and while maybe it would have been easier for me to attend on of the events going on in my area I decided to organize one myself.
Unfortunately my idea to have a BBQ for this event (which I’ve told newspapers about already!) is putting me in a difficult position. Because it was kind of late in the game to begin with I haven’t found many people to help me out with the whole deal. Scratch that, I have not found a single person (aside from possibly 1) who is going to help me with the setup, the BBQing, handing out flyers and the like.
I’m trying my best to follow through, but I’m so nervous! How am I going to get everything together and keep it together? Am I going to be able to answer everyone’s questions? What if I get shutdown as soon as I arrive? Many of my qualms has been answered in a fairly straight-forward manner on /r/restorethefourth as well as restorethefourth.net. But I’m still pretty worried.
I’m not sure what will happen at this point.
When something horrible happens, life starts to seem like the obscured sounds of the television on in movies.
My coworker killed himself last night.